lately, i've been focusing a lot on school. the oddest thing is that despite all the time i devote to studying, homework, grades are not what i want them to be. they're not bad, but they could be better, and it's upsetting. i've never enjoyed the grading aspect of school. i want to learn, truly learn, and enjoy it. the other day i was studying for a history test, and i realized how sad, i was just trying to cram everything that i'd forget a week later anyway. school isn't enjoyable anymore. it's about passing, grades, tests. 

i'm on break now, and i've decided to devote this time to just relax. pray, write, read. i've distanced myself from all the things i enjoy so that i can actually pass school, and i want to change that. i'm sure that God has a plan, and that spending all my life reading about velocity and vectors isn't it. i want to go out, take pictures, find new music, talk to people. there's so much to life that i've forgotten because i was so distracted. 

one of the things i really miss, is writing. i used to write, all the time. after a disaster a few years ago when i lost all my writing (over 15 started stories, 4 of which i had good plans for), i lost all motivation. i didn't think about writing for nearly a year, and it was devastating. i prayed, and finally accepted it as a chance to start new. i hope to find joy in writing again, as i used to.

i'm not entirely sure what this post was meant to be, i just needed to ramble. thank you for reading, i'll talk to you guys soon